Grief has no timeline, no finish line, and no clear path forward. It isn’t a box to check or a wound that simply heals with time. It’s a process — deeply personal, unpredictable, and unique to each person who experiences it.
Yet, in a world that values productivity and “moving on,” many people feel pressured to treat grief like a task to complete. The truth is, you don’t get over grief. You learn to live alongside it.
Why “Getting Over It” Misses the Point
When someone experiences loss — whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a shift in identity — they often hear well-meaning phrases like:
“They’d want you to be happy.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“You’ll move on eventually.”
While intended to comfort, these statements can unintentionally invalidate pain and suggest that grief has an expiration date. But grief is not a sign of weakness or being “stuck” — it’s a reflection of love, connection, and the depth of what was lost.
To grieve is to honor what mattered.
The Evolving Nature of Grief
Psychologist William Worden described grief not as something to “resolve,” but as a series of tasks — acknowledging the loss, processing the pain, adjusting to life without the person, and finding an enduring connection while moving forward.
This approach recognizes that grief doesn’t disappear — it transforms. Over time, the intensity shifts. The sharp edges of loss soften, but they never vanish.
Instead of “closure,” many people find integration — the ability to carry grief alongside joy, to remember with both sadness and gratitude.
Grief evolves, just as we do.
Common Myths About Grief
1. “Grief should follow a predictable pattern.”
The stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) were never meant to be a checklist. Grief loops, circles, and doubles back. That’s normal.
2. “If you’re still grieving, you’re not healing.”
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to live with both the love and the loss.
3. “Grief only follows death.”
We grieve many things — a lost future, a changed relationship, a part of ourselves that no longer exists. All grief deserves compassion.
The Dual Process of Healing
Research by Stroebe and Schut introduced the Dual Process Model of Grief, which helps explain the oscillation many experience:
- Loss-Oriented Grief involves confronting and feeling the pain — crying, remembering, reminiscing.
- Restoration-Oriented Grief involves re-engaging with life — forming new routines, nurturing other relationships, rediscovering meaning.
Healing requires movement between the two. You can cry one moment and laugh the next. Both are valid. Both are healing.
Supporting Yourself (or Someone Else) Through Grief
1. Let Go of Timelines
Healing doesn’t happen on a schedule. Grief may revisit in waves — birthdays, anniversaries, or unexpected moments. That doesn’t mean you’re regressing; it means you’re human.
2. Acknowledge the Full Range of Emotions
Grief can bring sadness, anger, guilt, relief, even laughter. All feelings are part of the process. None are wrong.
3. Create Rituals of Connection
Light a candle. Visit a favorite place. Write a letter. Continuing bonds keep loved ones present in meaningful ways.
4. Seek Support, Not Solutions
Whether through therapy, community, or trusted friends, healing happens in connection. You don’t need someone to fix your pain — just to witness it.
Reframing the Conversation
Instead of asking, “When will I get over this?” try asking,
“How can I learn to carry this and still live fully?”
Grief doesn’t ask you to forget — it asks you to remember differently. To find ways to honor love while allowing life to continue. To hold sorrow and joy in the same breath.
A Gentle Reminder
You are not broken for still grieving.
You are not weak for missing what’s gone.
You are human for feeling the depth of what you loved.
Grief isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a testament to connection — and the ongoing capacity of the heart to feel, remember, and heal.
Final Reflection
You don’t “get over” grief; you grow around it.
The pain doesn’t vanish, but life expands — slowly, quietly, and with time.
And within that expansion, you begin to see that healing isn’t about erasing what was lost… it’s about finding new ways to live with what remains.
If you or someone you know is navigating grief, you don’t have to do it alone. Visit the MindLyssMoments Resource Page for free mental health tools, helplines, and supportive materials created to help you heal at your own pace.